Donald sat in his chair observing his wife, Joan, as she watched their next door neighbor, Roberta and her three children.

“It’s just not fair! She can barely feed those three children and they’re bringing a scrawny Christmas tree into their house! Our only child was taken from us! Why?! It’s just not fair!!” Joan replied angrily.

“Joanie, it’s not Roberta’s fault that Ryan left us at this time of the year. It’s been two years and you’re still heavily burdened with anger and grief,” he said quietly.

“Two years!! What’s just two years?! He was my child! I loved him! Of course I’m angry! Have you forgotten him so soon?!” she yelled at him.

“No, Joanie, I haven’t forgotten him. I miss him, too. I miss everything about the loving little boy that was a part of me for ten years. I loved him. Now, I must continue to live on with him in my heart. I can’t live in anger and sadness forever,” Donald tried to explain to her,

“I gave birth to him! I’ll always be angry that he was taken away from me so young and for no reason!” she told him angrily as she left the room.

He watched her leave and heard her crying as she slammed the bedroom door. He wondered what else he could do to help the woman that he loved to move beyond her anger and sadness at the loss of their son. Grief counseling hadn’t helped. They had counseled with their minister at their spiritual center and she now refused to go to church on Sundays saying that he didn’t understand why she felt as she did. He rose and walked to the window where his wife had stood. He could see the Mitchell children playing in their yard. The eldest son, Devon, now twelve years old, had been Ryan’s best friend. The two boys had been inseparable despite Ryan’s physical limitations. Roberta, his mother, had been friends with his wife, Joan. With Ryan’s death, Joan had shut the family out of her life. It was as if she blamed them for Ryan’s untimely death.

Ryan had never been a strong healthy child. The doctors were surprised and amazed that he had lived so actively to the age of ten. Joan had never accepted Ryan’s disabilities. He watched the children as they played with laughter and joy with beat up and partially broken toys. He knew that they wouldn’t be getting a lot of presents for Christmas because their mother was a single parent with no family close by. He watched as Devon swung at a small red rubber ball with a makeshift stick bat. He remembered that Ryan had asked for a regulation baseball and bat on his last Christmas even though he wouldn’t be able to play with them. Devon would appreciate the gift knowing that it had been Ryan’s. Although Joan would probably be very angry, he decided to give the gift to Devon.

He walked into Ryan’s room and stood for several moments feeling the presence of his son; hearing his laughter and endless chatter. He went to the closet where the wrapped presents from his last Christmas had been stored. He removed the wrapped ball and bat. He stared at the cards attached to each one. The card on the bat read ‘Devon’. There were two cards on the box that held the ball. One also said Devon, but there was an envelope that read ‘to Mom and Dad’. He opened the envelope and read the letter in Ryan’s neatly printed hand. As he read, tears ran down his face.

With a deep breath he left Ryan’s room and walked to their bedroom where his wife sat in the darkened room in her rocking chair. He flipped on the lights.

“Turn the lights out!” she screamed at him.

“No, I won’t. You need to read this,” he said as he handed her the letter.

“Why?! What’s it say?” she angrily demanded to know.

“Read it,” he ordered softly.

She grabbed it angrily from his hand and began to read:
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please give this ball and bat to Devon as I won’t be here to
do it. I know I’m dying, but I’m not afraid. My angel, who has
has always been here with me will show me the way. He said
that you really don’t die because you go to God where you came
from. Some day you both will join me with God. Don’t be angry
and don’t stay sad too long. Remember all the good times we had
together. Please help Devon and his family whenever you can. Dad,
Devon needs a Dad, so he can be your adopted son in my place. He
was my friend when the other kids didn’t have time to play with a
boy that couldn’t run hard and wasn’t very healthy. I’ll always love you.
Forever,
Ryan

“He wanted the ball and bat for Devon! He was our angel forever!” Donald said to his wife who was sobbing uncontrollably.

“He knew he was dying and never let us know that he knew,” Joan said between sobs.

“Yes, he did. He wanted everyone that he loved to remember the good times and to go on living. He wanted us all to love one another. I’m going to give the ball and bat to Devon and go buy gifts for the other children. Will you come do this with me?” he explained to her.

“I’m still angry and sad, but I’ll try to do as Ryan asked and move out of the anger and grief. Yes, I’ll go with you,” she replied.

“It’s a step in the right direction for both of us. This is a journey for us in learning to live in the present and we can make it if we do it together one step at a time,” Donald told Joan with a smile. He could feel Ryan’s smiling presence in the room.